intro:

A, B


verse:

  E              F#   A G#   E
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-0-0-4-7-9-7-4----------------------------|


      E                            F#
I've screwed alot of boilers, I've prodded loads of tarts,
A               G#                E
Stabbed some open wounds and I've split them all in half
  E                             F#
Knobbed a lot of women, I've stuffed a load of birds
A                 G#           F#
Shagged a lot of dogs and I've pulled a load of skirt
            B                               F#
And there's been a load of whores when I've used a bit of force,
A                         G#          F#
But they all received the benefit of sexual intercourse
         B                       F#
When they make a lot of fuss, it makes me feel sick,
      A                        B
They want a soaking gusset and a more than ample dick

Chorus:
 E                      A      E                     A
Doctor, I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a day,
  E                          F#
I bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank,
        A                     B
There's something up with my dick -
                  E
It hurts when I wank.

I've slammed a lot of crumpet, but its doing them some good,
If they don't like it, they can lump it, they've all been ugly tugs.
One bitch, she had a flat head, put up quite a fight,
But I found a gob to place my knob,
And a place to put my pint.
I always end up shagging a really smelly bag and getting down to business
When I just don't want to shag,

Chorus. x2


end
Sometimes I have to do it, lie back and think of Macc,
I'm using all this drinking time to service ugly crack.

Doctor, I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a day,
I bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank,
There's something up with my dick -
It hurts when I wank.